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My first boyfriend had a real big dong. I didn't know it was big because he was my first boyfriend and I hadn't watched porn really. I don't think he watched porn really I know, I know , because he was a sensitive artist type, so I'm not sure he knew it was a big dong either. Anyway, we didn't understand that we needed to buy Magnum condoms and we broke condoms all the time and I remember thinking they should make condoms better. And he had trouble keeping the whole situation erect, maybe because we were always snapping condoms on it and because he was a sensitive artist type or because physiologically it took a lot of blood to do so. I remember when I met subsequent penises thinking they were really small and then eventually realizing, no, they were just average.

Put another way, does Lady Gaga have a penis? That seems very hard to believe, but hey, if you believe today's craziest batch of rumors and a grainy picture circulating online, well, then yes and yes! This must make her a hermaphrodite, right? It's so obvious! Look at that

Sometimes you have those sudden moments of total clarity, and they often find you in circumstances that could best be described as "timeless. While also publicly admonishing my date for being a tall drink of boyish cuteness and being decidedly straight. I was the drunken Cinderella's footman, and it was well past midnight in a neighborhood far from mine.

Three years ago, the young man who would later be known as John Doe 1 shuffled into the Richard A. Handlon Correctional Facility in Ionia, Michigan. It was still wintery in April, and his state-issued jacket was poor protection against the drafts coming through the broken windows, shattered by men who had passed through before.